Client Question:
You have a pattern attracting certain types of partners and you have done the work/healing ... you meet someone new who has those traits ... do you walk away and cut your losses as it is just not worth it or stay to find out if it will be different this time?
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My humble thoughts on it...
I think this isn't very black and white. Because I personally used to have a pattern of attracting very wounded men that had a bad boy appeal and needing mothering/someone to fix them. And the inner Martyr that I was being run by at the time wanted to meet those needs (We won't put up with shit unless we're getting served by it in some way)!
As I went to my journey of raw self discovery and reclaiming, I realize that every person has those aspects to an extent...
Simply by being human, we all have this common capacity to be dark and light. Immature and mature. Codependent and independent. A doormat and an abuser. Loving and hateful. A user and a victim.
By our very existence, every person has wounding, trauma, and pain that they want to have another person heal for them. Wouldn't that be nice? Where's my magic wand... 📷;)
But seriously...
We all know that's impossible! But when we're not conscious of this pattern, it can absolutely dominate our way of being.
Becoming aware of my pattern enabled me to navigate this with other people and to stop being a victim of it controlling my life, my experiences, and the people I attracted.
I had to learn how to recognize when I was letting my inner martyr run the show and from there make different choices.
So does that mean that I can't be around someone or have a relationship with someone who has wounding?
Absolutely not! I'd be alone forever!
But it does mean that I have to be a lot more conscious about myself.
Am I attracting this person because I need to feel good about myself in a backwards way (by feeding my inner martyr)?
Am I attracting this person because I don't think I'm worth anything better (self sabotaging my desire for healthy love)?
Have I been having a really great time in life and feel guilty for having it (need someone to bring me down)?
Is this my opportunity to change my pattern? Or to deeper engrave my pattern into my way of being?
Here's where I learned about setting and holding a boundary. Making sure I'm not feeding their Darkness with my Darkness. Doing my inner work and inviting them to step up to the plate and do their own work as well.
And you know what? I've been wildly surprised by how many people are ready and willing to be self accountable, but they don't know how.
We naturally seek the path of least resistance...
So if we have another person accommodating us, and making us feel better, feeding our habits, we will naturally follow that path.
However, if that path becomes difficult because the person we are interacting with won't let us get away with that, and they offer us an easier path of just owning our own shit and doing our work around it, then obviously that becomes the easiest path, even if initially it would have seemed like it was the hardest.
Holding people accountable, powerful, and like the god and goddess we know they hold inside them is one of the most amazing and healing things we can do for the people around us.
So I can't say no, do not ever have any kind of interaction with somebody who has content that triggers you and your previous habits.
But I also can't say yes to run and leap into their arms with reckless abandon knowing that you may not know how to handle that in a different way than you previously did.
It comes down to knowing yourself inside and out, setting and holding boundaries, and communicating with your partner/potential partner.
What are your thoughts?
P.s. invite your wild woman friends to join this Primal Pleasure facebook group for more sexy magic around the world! 📷❤